To tree or not to tree

I didn't write this, but sure found it amusing as I was googling my way through the great tree debates.

Trees Belong In The Woods
It seems that a California woman was bitten by a Christmas Bat. She ordered a real tree from some farm, and it arrived with a little something extra. At no charge. The tree farm uses bats for pest control, and her tree was delivered occupied. As she was decorating the thing she thought that some pine needle or something stuck her. The next day she noticed a bat hanging in the tree. She called the farm and they said that several bats were removed from the tree before it was cut. But not all the bats it seems.First off, POOR BAT! Here is this bat, minding its own business, hanging out at home. Then some jackass with a chainsaw comes along, cuts down the bat house, and delivers it to some human house. As for the other bats "removed" from the tree? Well I say that the proper word to use is EVICTED. The tree was the bat's home. They were evicted. Without proper notice. If someone cut down MY HOUSE I would bite the crap out of them too. I am on the bat's side here.Really people - trees do not belong in your house. For starters, they are a major FIRE HAZARD. Do not believe me? Try this little test. After everyone throws out their tree in a few weeks, pull one off the curb. Using a match or a lighter, set just the very tip of one branch on fire. In 60 seconds or less, there will be a raging fireball. You will be amazed. If you want a better simulation of what COULD happen in your house, put the dead tree in one of those metal tree stands and set the tip of a lower branch on fire. A 6 foot tree will make a fire at least 12 feet high. It will burn hot and it will burn fast. The whole event will be over in 1 1/2 - 2 minutes. The only thing left will be a smoking tree trunk. Once you see a real tree go up, you will seriously think twice before ever taking one into your home again. Next reason to not have a tree in your house. Do you know where the idea of decorating evergreen trees in the winter comes from? Here is a link to Wikipedia, covering the general history without getting all long winded and full of every single detail. In short, ancient people thought that since all the trees EXCEPT pines lost all their leaves in the winter, some kind of powerful spirits must live in the pines. Some cultures made human and animal sacrifices to the tree spirits, some just decorated them and/or left food offerings for them. Whatever. When Christianity replaced the pagan religions, outright tree worship had to go, but in some places the evergreen tree just became associated with Christianity. For those who would refute this, find a single passage in the Bible about killing a tree, dragging it into your home, and decorating it.And lastly - all those needles fall out and make a mess! And if you have pets - they are a pain in the ass. Cats like to attack the ornaments, and have been known to attempt climbing trees. And pets seem to LOVE to eat that tinsel stuff, making for some great festive holiday decorated poop.But the decorated trees are deeply ingrained as Christmas symbols. They make your house feel all Christmas-ee and stuff. They are a good place to stash all those gifts under. They add a festive feeling. Kids really like them. These are all reasons to put up a tree. So, I can understand why so many people do have a Christmas tree.But really - a fake one does the same thing a real one does. Only a fake tree is fire resistant. Cats do not try to climb them as much. The needles do not fall off. Critters are not made homeless. And there is a zero percent chance you will get attacked by an angry bat.